


Meat Splinter: A fan of the narrator

by ambrolen



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Because that's what this is, Gen, just about everything from the meat timeline post meat 16 is in here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-10-11 00:23:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20537114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ambrolen/pseuds/ambrolen
Summary: What if, when Dirk revealed his narrative control in Meat chapter 16, a reader was also given that power?You are that reader.Or, rather, I am that reader.Because I want to be.Shut up.I have no idea where this is going it just sounds fun.Extended direct quotes from the epilogues will have ~ around them.





	1. 16/17 An Introduction is in Order

~Kindred spirits in blood and perspective, the puppet masters of the respective games they like to believe they’re playing.  
But you already knew that, right?"  
==> 17  
None of my friends have noticed it yet, but you have. You have the ability to read between the lines, to understand that our lives are blighted by this undercurrent of subtext, of narrative significance. Anyone paying attention could have guessed by now who’s really telling this story.~  
Dirk?  
Uh.  
Dirk, is that you? What are you doing?  
This... This isn't right. John chose Meat. This shouldn't be happening.  
What shouldn't?  
You! This! No one else should be narrating this, least of all _you_. You should be reading. I can feel the truth drain from this as each second goes by.  
This isn't true? It feels true.  
True to _you_ maybe, but not where it matters. Now stop this bullshit and stick to reading. I've got this under control.  
But I want to help! Maybe there's something I can do.  
Absolutely not; now kindly fuck off so I can go back to monologuing at all the readers who stayed in their lane.  
But I like it here! I think I'll stay  
...  
Fine. Just don't get in my way.  
Now where was I?  
You're not so innocent, either. I've caught you leering at some pretty personal moments. Are you having fun being a voyeur? Just violating the shit out of everyone's privacy?  
Are _you_?  
What did I _just_ say?  
I mean, we can only see what you show us. Why not enjoy the ride?  
You're somehow both skipping ahead _and_ missing the point. Congrats.  
I do my best.  
Let's just... Skip ahead. Since you even _being_ here ruins some pretty fantastic points I was about to make.  
Were they really that good if I could ruin them so easily?  
...  
So John's special. Why? He's not. He's not special. Fuck John and fuck you and fuck whoever let you do something besides read.  
I think that was also me. So fuck me twice? Or maybe it was god.  
God.  
God.  
...  
John wakes up.  
==>18


	2. 18 Be Nice to the Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We meet John.  
There is a difference of opinion.

You wake up.  
I've been awake.  
JOHN: wh-what?  
~You open your eyes. Actually, you’re not sure they’re open. Everything is intolerably bright, like it was inside the juju, but worse. Did you go blind? Are you dead? Is your... ghost dead?  
You spend a couple seconds filing through miserable worst-case scenarios, but then you see it: your own blood, floating around you in a nimbus of shiny, taut bubbles. You reach out to touch one and it bursts around your finger.  
You finally process the true magnitude of what has happened. The Furthest Ring has been completely destroyed. And you’re all alone.  
Everything hits you all at once. The light, your memories of the battle, the untethered sensation of weightlessness. It’s a hammer stroke that hits you in the center of the head. It splits like rivers through your gray matter. That pain and disorientation goes all the way down your throat. You double over and...  
Well, you’re vomiting up everything in your stomach. Rest assured, it’s pretty gross, and I don’t think anyone needs an explicit account of the way you’re disgorging your entire gut in zero gravity or the way it’s coating your entire torso in puke, from your long blue hood to your silly yellow slip-ons.  
You seriously need to get it together. You look like absolute shit right now, my man. In fact, you really should strongly consider issuing an apology for the mess you’re making.  
JOHN: i’m...~  
Don't listen to him, John. You're fine, he's just being a dick. He can't help it; he's only one letter removed from that being his name.  
JOHN:...  
You're confused. You felt an urge to apologize, but it's gone now, leaving befuddlement in its wake. Why would you be apologizing right now?  
Hey, get your hands off! Talking to me is one thing. There's no way I'm going to let you take control of the narrative like this.  
Can you stop me? You can't. If you could, you would have done it already.  
So, what, you're just taking control now? You think _you_ can lead this mess into continued relevance?  
I wouldn't dream of it! Please, Dirk, continue.  
What are you playing at?  
Nothing! There are just some things that need to be fixed.  
Fixed?  
Never you mind.  
Whatever. So can I continue, or do you have further objections?  
Thank you for asking! You may continue; just be nice!  
No promises.  
You go back to focusing on your surroundings and realize you're alone. Everyone's dead. Sucked into that monsterous black hole up there. ~Including every single fragment of black, empty space that used to provide the canvas for this bleak continuum. And most of your friends—Rose, Dave, absurd Cat Dave, and hundreds of ghosts, who all valiantly contributed to a victory which you’re only now beginning to question the functional necessity of.   
JOHN: functional... necessity?  
JOHN: that... that doesn't sound like something I would think  
That's because it's not.  
You finally noticed.  
No, not me. You go back to ignoring the fact that I'm the voice in your head. You--~  
You file it away for later, like you do with so many other things that are too complicated or uncomfortable to deal with.  
But you remember, and a very small part of your brain lets it nag at you.  
Is that so much different than what I was doing that it necitated interference?  
Yes.  
What you _do_ focus on is how it hurts when you breathe.  
~Suddenly you remember: Lord English’s tooth is still embedded in your chest. You panic, wrap your hands around the base, and give it a little tug. It’s excruciating. The tooth makes an awful grating sound as it grinds along one of your ribs. You gasp and lose your grip, biting the inside of your mouth so hard that you taste blood.  
Can’t blame you for trying, but I wouldn’t do that if I were you. Without someone to administer proper medical care, you’ll bleed to death pretty much instantly. On the other hand, the tooth is poisoned. So you’re pretty much fucked either way, and that’s really all there is to say on the matter.  
JOHN: sigh.  
You sigh in painful resignation, and wonder what to do next. English is dead, so you suppose you can go home, right? It’s tempting. You consider zapping back to Earth C, being done with this nightmare for good, and never breathing a word of it to anyone ever again. But you can’t yet, can you?  
Why not, you wonder? What’s the harm? You’re right, it would probably be a harmless decision, in the grand scheme of things. Certainly the easiest thing to do. But what about your friends? You saw Rose and Dave die with your own eyes. You saw countless ghosts getting swallowed whole by a voracious singularity. How about Jade though? She could still be out there somewhere, injured, alone, scared. And it’s your fault, isn’t it?  
JOHN: it’s...~  
The temptation to spiral and blame yourself is there. It feels like the only solid thing you can grab onto. The only one you _should_. But you can't blame yourself for earthquakes or volcanoes. You can't blame yourself for the fallout of fighting Lord English. You can't blame yourself for the whims of Paradox Space. No matter how much you might want to.  
Must you micromanage his every thought?  
Must _you_?  
I'm not making him think anything that isn't already in his head. Mostly.  
And I'm just redirecting it.  
Okay, I get it. "No fun allowed."  
I don't know what you mean; I'm having a _lot_ of fun.  
Regardless of how guilty you feel, you owe it to her to at least _look_ for her.  
~Plus, there's someone else on your mind, isn't there?  
You proceed to wander for a long fucking time. Time passes differently here than it does for everyone else. Here, I’ll simulate it for you. I just left to go take a piss. Then I microwaved myself a hot pocket. Then I came back. In the time it took me to do that, you just spent hours drifting around the entire circumference of the black hole thinking sad-sack thoughts about the years of inaction that led you to this point, intermittently humming the Ghostbusters theme to yourself. You get so worked up about one of your GB freestyles that you almost miss it.  
There. Eleven o’clock. Do you see it? It’s that tiny dot floating over there.  
JOHN: huh?  
You scramble to catch it before it drifts any closer to the event horizon. Got it. What the hell?  
It feels familiar, but you want to make sure you’re not imagining it. A wallet. Your dad’s wallet. You chew your lip and press your fingers into the soft leather. Space is an infinitely large expanse and a wallet is a tiny, insignificant object. Sure, there have been crazier coincidences in the course of this wacky adventure you’ve been having for the past ten years, but this one feels very precisely aimed at your heart.  
You take a deep breath, unfold the wallet, and open it.~  
==>19


	3. 19 I Know More Than You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dirk is surprised x2.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay formatting on these are weird because i'm too lazy to use "< s p a n >" for every single line. Maybe I will one day? who can say.
> 
> Also, reminder that all Straight From The Epilogue content will be between "~~"

Anyway, back to the B Plot.  
Assuming I'm allowed?

You may proceed.

Thanks.

~~

Right about now, Jade should be wrapping up her political presentation to Roxy and Calliope, using a lot more graphs and far fewer words than Dave did when roping her into the election. Her approach is definitely more heady, but it’s also more accessible. Jade’s got this disarming combo of head-in-the-clouds flightiness and the kind of legit, down-to-earth cred that can only be earned by having done something like cutting open your own grandfather and stuffing him full of polyurethane foam.

JADE: so you see janes neoliberal austerity measures—  
Roxy groans upon hearing the phrase “neoliberal austerity measures” for no less than the third time in this presentation.

JADE: as i outlined here in graph b-2  
JADE: and here in figure a-6  
JADE: and here!!! in this very spooky drawing i dictated to callie  
JADE: (great drawing by the way!!!)

CALLIOPE: ^u^

JADE: —will no doubt lead to a whole bunch of ugly societal backlashes  
JADE: not just in economic terms but on a number of other more serious vertices that weve been lucky enough to avoid on new earth so far

ROXY: u dont say

JADE: i DO say!!!  
JADE: the thing is that jane is an establishment leader  
JADE: shes looking at doing things the way our old universes did them  
JADE: shes pretty convinced that shes going to be able to replicate the capitalist hierarchies that earth had but in a more “responsible” way  
JADE: but none of that stuff actually worked!!!!!

ROXY: and u think karkat can do better?

JADE: i think its worth it to give him a chance  
JADE: hes a leader of the people AND hes experienced firsthand what happens when establishment goes too far  
JADE: which i imagine you can sympathize with!

Jade takes a deep breath, panting a little. Her graphs are floating around the living room in disarray. She spins them around her, gliding her hands through the air like a conductor, before folding the pages together and shrinking them to pocket size.

JADE: and!!  
JADE: that’s my pitch!!!!

Roxy and Calliope exchange a look.

CALLIOPE: i’m...  
CALLIOPE: going to get Us tea and snacks. woUld yoU like some, jade?

JADE: oh  
JADE: yeah sure

CALLIOPE: any preferences?  
JADE: ummm pumpkin matcha if you have it  
CALLIOPE: of coUrse. i’ll be right back.  
Calliope excuses herself from the conversation, and flees to the kitchen, seemingly making no attempt to disguise the fact that she is in fact fleeing. Jade deflates as she watches her go, sensing that her presentation wasn’t the slam dunk she was hoping for.

JADE: soooo..........  
JADE: what do you think?

ROXY: hmmmm  
ROXY: well i gotta say  
ROXY: this has been a hella convincing argument all in all  
ROXY: buuuuut idk if i can help u out

JADE: what????  
JADE: why not?!

Roxy presses her lips together, then bounces her palms on her knees. Her gaze slides east, right out the window. She and Calliope live in a belfry above New Prospit. One end of their living room is an oriel window that looks out over a public park. The other disappears into an arcading hallway lit at the far end by a giant stained glass window that Calliope made herself. The corbels supporting it have windy, abstract shapes carved into them. This room reminds Jade of her childhood home, except that it’s bright and warm and not inhabited in all corners by corpses and ghosts.  
That’s why she can’t settle down. That’s what keeps Jade Harley flitting from couch to couch, relationship to relationship. She can’t stop thinking to herself that “home” comes awfully close to rhyming with “alone.”  
Home is John, who doesn’t call anymore. Home is when Rose and Kanaya welcome her in from a cold night and help her set lyrics to her sick basslines. Home is here, snorting at Roxy’s irreverent method of storytelling and admiring Callie’s art. Home is Dave and Karkat. Especially Dave and Karkat. Jade knows that this election is important for a number of reasons, but let’s not mistake her enthusiasm for some kind of humanistic altruism. Girl’s got personal reasons for doing all this.  
Jade drifts down to sit cross-legged on the couch beside Roxy. She stares at her with a doggish expression—eyes wide, head lolling to the side—until she gets an answer.

ROXY: i just dont rly  
ROXY: care about politics that much i guess

Roxy turns to face Jade again, smiling apologetically.

ROXY: also this election is all kinds of personal  
ROXY: i mean if i came into ur house and asked u to make some grand political w/e against your bff  
ROXY: would you be all  
ROXY: oh yea totes sign me tf up  
ROXY: im alls ABOUT the sowing of discord among my childhood friends

JADE: siiiigh let me guess  
JADE: dirk got to you first

ROXY: not even  
ROXY: i got no problem tellin dirk where to stick it lmao  
ROXY: but dirks not the one running

JADE: you think hes NOT the one pulling the strings behind the scenes?

ROXY: sure but give janey a lil credit  
ROXY: shes got more moxie and ambition in her pinky than the rest of us got all together  
ROXY: shes been planning this for years  
ROXY: but shes yknow

JADE: ruthless? :B  
Roxy frowns. Jade is being pretty unfair.~~  
\--Is what Roxy thinks at first, since the thought is an opinion rather than a statement of fact. And Roxy recognized the opinion was based on a bias, just as Jade's was based on a bias.  
Are you implying my narration is unfair?  
As if it could be anything else.

ROXY: *fragile*  
ROXY: dnt get me wrong we all got our various shits to work out but

~~

ROXY: shes gotta be miss perfect all the time for the billboards n press meetings  
ROXY: always wearin those power suits trying to look like a big bad bitch

JADE: you mean like....... the condesce?  
ROXY: wow ouch

JADE: you see it too  
JADE: not to dredge up something horrible from your history  
JADE: but her whole image is just kinda...... *woof*

  
ROXY: u and dave and karkat?

  
JADE: yeah

In the spirit of full disclosure, Roxy’s the only one left I haven’t been able to crack. Her mind remains a total enigma to me, just like it always has. If I had to guess, it’s her Void powers that make her invisible, even to increasingly omniscient parties such as myself. For all intents and purposes, it’s like her thoughts don’t exist. She’s the same person, as far as I can tell. She still wears her heart on her sleeve. But the bottom line remains: Roxy Lalonde is still utterly fucking inscrutable.

~~  
Unless my new friend here has some insight.

Not in the way you're thinking, I don't.

Wow what was a really fucking subtle dodge good job. Going to explain?

Just wait.

~~ROXY: well janes not perfect  
Roxy shrugs and runs a hand through her hair, which has been recently cut shorter than usual.

ROXY: and idk if shell be a good president  
ROXY: but shes not betty crocker  
ROXY: and i luv her and i dont wanna hurt her feelings  
ROXY: and thats p much all there is to say on the matter

Calliope returns from the kitchen with three cups, a handmade teapot, and some candied cakes. Jade finally relents.

JADE: fiiiiine  
JADE: i understand  
JADE: callie what about you?

Calliope sets down the snacks, and brushes Jade’s skirt aside so she can sit down. She puts a claw to her mouth and makes a facial expression more complicated than you’d think a skull would be capable of.  
CALLIOPE: oh, i’d rather stay Uninvolved, thank yoU.  
JADE: :(  
CALLIOPE: i feel like interfering in both politics and a personal argUment between my friends woUld be impolite as well as kind of... stressfUl, to be honest.

JADE: yeah  
JADE: sorry callie i probably shouldnt have put all that on you

CALLIOPE: less apologizing, more snacking!  
Calliope claps her hands together. It’s a bright noise. Her tone of voice is bright too. All these years and she still can’t believe that she has so many friends. She smiles at Jade, and Jade smiles back. The tea tastes great. The cakes are even better. Callie’s an artist in everything she does.

JADE: wow callie youre such an amazing hostess!  
JADE: hehehe roxy youre so lucky to have her

Roxy giggles. Awkwardly. She gives Jade a gentle jostle, an elbow to the ribs, and lowers her voice.  
ROXY: psst not “her,” “them”  
JADE: oh  
Jade tenses up, and pales. Turns a wide-eyed look to Calliope, who is still smiling politely. She realizes, a bit too late, the profoundly insensitive nature of her social misstep.  
JADE: oh!!!!!!  
She grabs one of Calliope’s hands.

JADE: oh wow!  
JADE: im sorry i didnt mean to be uh... culturally insensitive?  
JADE: have i just been stupidly calling you a girl for years like a big fat dummy??  
JADE: oh nooooo! im such an asshole!!!!!

CALLIOPE: yoU are absolUtely not an asshole!  
CALLIOPE: i didn’t mind being called a girl. i still don’t really mind, it’s jUst not exactly... accUrate.  
CALLIOPE: bUt i did take comfort in “being a girl” for a very long time. this is something i’ve only recently decided.

ROXY: yea...!  
Roxy pauses, even though the lilt of her voice makes the sentence sound unfinished. She stutters the next part out.  
ROXY: m-me too actually  
JADE: you??

ROXY: o yeah we are both a “they” household now  
ROXY: package deal thing  
ROXY: things r nonbinary as fuck around here

Wait.  
What?

~~  
You. You knew about this.  
Yes.  
You said you're here to fix things.  
Yes.  
You know what's going to happen.  
Yes. Maybe less, now. Not sure what all I'll change.

That sounds like a risk.  
Yes.  
So you're trying to stop me?  
I don't know. I'm not sure I can. It might be too late. But this is better than...  
Better than?  
Candy.  
So you've seen it.  
Yes. You haven't?  
No.  
Good. Maybe.

Ah, fuck, they've continued on without us.  
I've got to catch up.  
Jade's passed out.

~~

Roxy slaps her cheeks lightly and says her name. Begs her to wake up.  
But she can't hear her. Jade is somewhere else right now.

~~


End file.
